


Broken Record

by toxicjolene



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, Drugs, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:49:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29018478
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toxicjolene/pseuds/toxicjolene
Summary: Hermione Granger thought she had her life together. She thought that she will finally be able to enjoy her life, be happy. She was wrong, so, so wrong. She was betrayed, left alone to rot. She desperately needs help, but she don't have a strenght to find it.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter: one

She was fucking angry.

She was hurt, betrayed and the worst thing was it was all her fault. She was blinded by her perfect image of future, family and love.

She ignored every sing. She ignored every warning and there were a lot of them.

He was coming home later and later. Always finding excuses. _Work_ , he was saying and she was nodding and accepting, because why would she questioned his words? She trusted him with her life, she loved him and he loved her, so why should she even bother to check if he was saying truth.

First sings she didn’t ignore were words of their friends. Sometimes she was walking through the halls of Ministry of Magic and was asked question _Hermione, why didn’t you attend last get together at Leaky Cauldron at Friday? We had such an amazing time! You need to come sometimes; it will be great._ And what was her answer? She was always shyly apologizing and promising that she will definitely come another time, but that was all a lie. You may ask: why though? Well the answer was simple: she was never informed about parties, meetings, lunches – you named it. Do you wonder why? Well, the answer to that was also pretty simple. It was because her lovely boyfriend was never telling her about stuff like that. He was just leaving her all alone in their shared apartment. Oh, she had her cat so she wasn’t really all that alone, right? Anyway, that was the perks of not working in Aurors Office. She chose different path for herself, so she should be blamed right? Except everyone was expecting that Ronald will just bring her along as a perfect boyfriend he is.

 _Wrong_.

Sometimes she tried to confront him, tell him that she misses him, their friends and all the happy memories they shared together. He was always getting mad at that point, whenever she tried to talk to him, he was yelling, screaming and making her look foolish. He was making her believe that she was trying to control him and limit him. And she sometimes, when things were pretty ugly, she would just believe him. She would cry and try to apologize and always, always it was ending with slammed door and lonely night for her.

She tried to talk to Harry about that, but he wasn’t much of a help. It’s not that he wasn’t on her side, that he wasn’t willing to help her. Quite opposite actually, but he was busy with his life and affairs. It was hard for him to notice that something was wrong with his best friends and their relationship. Hermione was sometimes saying one thing and Ron would say something complete different and then he would show his affection in public, so no one could question his motives and commitment to Hermione. Sometimes, it even worked on her too.

But then, there were times when he was coming back home in the early hours of the day, drunk and barely standing on his own, smelling like someone else and he was telling her that she was useless and unworthy of his love. He would sometimes call her names, that she wouldn’t wish anyone to hear. She would cry herself to sleep those nights. But she wasn’t strong enough to end this. Especially not, when in the mornings he would wake her up with flower and breakfast and was apologizing on his knees, swearing that he didn’t mean anything he said the previous night. That it was just him being wasted and haunted by their past, haunted by the war times. She was always accepting those apologies, because she knew really well that fighting Voldemort and his Death Eaters left a scare on every one of them.

Hermione, despite of all of that, tried to balance their life and tried to give him his space. She started to go out with her co-workers, friends and sometimes she did invite Ron to go along with her and sometimes she didn’t. In her mind that was completely fair, because he was doing the same right?

_Wrong._

Every time that something like that occurred he was furious with her. He couldn’t understand why she weren’t informing him that she wouldn’t be home to make him dinner or just be home, just for the sake of being there. They argued about it a lot and after many fight she finally gave up.

You may ask: what happened to Hermione Granger? Where was the lioness of Gryffindor? The witty, brilliant witch that wouldn’t let anyone dictate her life?

She was tired and broken. The war took its toll on her. She was just wishing for simple, peaceful life full of love. She wanted to be secured and feel safe all the time.

And really? Who could blame her for it? They all wanted the same thing. Stability. Peace. Freedom. Happiness.

But she was lying to herself all the fucking time. She wasn’t happy, she didn’t feel safe, supported and loved. She was trapped in her idea of life with man that was supposed to be the one, but he was making her regret her every decision.

Yet, she was still blinded by him, by her love to him. Because she did love him, truly. She would give up her dreams for him. She did that already. She settled down. She didn’t continue her education to be by his side. She decided to not attend her last year at Hogwarts for him, because he didn’t want her to leave. He needed her and he used his powers to his advantage. 

And after all of that, he had the guts to stab her right in the back.

He invited her for a coffee one day. _We need to talk, Hermione._ She didn’t expect it to go the way it went.

No.

She didn’t expect him to humiliate her in front of café full of people. Some of them were their acquaintances. Some of them were even from the press, because Hermione, as well as Ron, were still very public figures and wizarding community wanted to know about the life of war heroes.

She couldn’t erase his words from her brain. She tried. Many times with many ways to do that.

_Hermione, we spent a lot of our lives together. We shared ups and downs. We shared love and respect. But I can’t do this anymore. You’re suffocating me. You make me feel like I’m losing my life. Like I’m losing precious hours, days, months even trying to save a relationship that should’ve ended long time ago. You see, we don’t match. Look at you. All you do is sitting at home, you’re not sociable, you’re isolating yourself from me, from our friends? They all ask me, what is wrong with you and I don’t have an answer for them, because I, I don’t know what is wrong. You’re so withdrawn from reality. From ME. I thought that we have something special, that you love me! But I guess I was wrong. All you do is causing me pain. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take it. I’m done, Mione. I’m fucking done. I’d really appreciate if you just let me be and understand from where I’m coming with all of these. Just please, pack your things and live me be. Please._

He didn’t even wait for her response. He left her by the table to face all of the uproar that was caused by his speech. He wasn’t quiet about any of these. He made her look guilty and he made her face the wrath of the masses. She destroyed one of the _IT_ couples of wizarding society. And no one was willing to listen her side of the story.

Daily Prophet skinned her alive. They didn’t spare her anything. She was made the enemy No. 1 and everyone believed them. She was faced with snarls, insults, glares.

She was alone.

And that was killing her.

Harry and Ginny were trying to be neutral, but they worked with Ron, so obviously they were easily swung in Ron’s favour. And she couldn’t really blame them. She understood, despite the pain that it caused her.

She was alone, broken and fucking angry.

She desperately needed help, but she didn’t know how to seek it.


	2. Chapter: two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I didn't think anyone would notice my work so fast so please excuse my language. English is not my first language and I'm writing this fanfiction not only to create somthing my own, but also to polish my grammar abilities - and they're really shitty, so I'm sorry in adavnce.   
> But I still hope that someone will enjoy this chapter?   
> And maybe you can leave me some tricks to make my story better in time? Im looking forward to it.

Week later she found out that he started to date Lavender Brown.  
  
She was crying herself to sleep every night. She even tried to beg him to take her back, but he slammed the door in front of her face.  
  
And then a week later she saw his smile gracing the front page of Daily Prophet with Lavender Brown hanging on his shoulder.  
  
 _NEW “IT” COUPLE_ , they said. Who could've thought he was able to do that to her. She was watching him wrapping his arms around other woman, smiling and saying how grateful he is for having her in his life. And Lavender? She was nodding happily, standing by his side, telling everyone that she wished to be Mrs. Weasley one day.

  
Hermione puked when she read those words.  
Nothing new really. Since that afternoon she couldn't really stomach anything but coffee and... drugs.

  
You can call her stupid - it would be fine. Her choices were questionable without a doubt, but the way she felt? The way she felt, at least for her, justified her doings.  
She was abusing her health, she was destroying herself, but that was the only way to stay sane. Barely, but at least she was able to function somehow. She still needed to attend work and meet with people. She needed to be able to keep straight face and cool blood. So she hid herself behind a vail of dull consciousness.

At first no one really noticed sudden change in her behaviour. She still showed up at the Ministry and completed her daily tasks. As before she politely apologised for being absent, physically, as well as mentally. No one suspected what was happening in her head. She tried to smile when needed. She even laughed from time to time, when she was heavily under influence. She seemed pretty normal. Of course everyone saw her as a girl, a woman even that went through a lot, but unfortunately they didn’t really feel sorry for her. She was at blame, right?

But nothing was worse than coming to her new, cheap flat expecting mass of Howlers on her kitchen table waiting to explode with yells straight in her face. Some fans were crazy nowadays.

_You BITCH! How could you hurt him like that? You should be ashamed._

_I’m fucking glad that he finally left your sorry ass. You never were good enough for him._

_I bet you weren’t even able to satisfy him as a woman._

_Sorry excuse for a witch._

_She is so much better for Ronald! At least she belongs to his world._

She burned them. And cried after every single one.

But sometimes she received good words. Words of understanding and support.

Her friends, even if they were torn between her and her now ex-boyfriend, they tried to make it easier for her. They knew that public eye was unforgiving and hurtful. They also knew that Ron story line wasn’t completely honest, but they couldn’t do anything about that really. So they stayed with checking in on her to make sure that she is still holding up.

One of those situation caught her off of guard at her office.

Harry’s head pocked in her door and he looked at her with worried expression in his big, green eyes.

– Hermione? Am I interrupting something? – he asked revealing his whole form from behind the door. He was nervously swinging on his heels, waiting for her to answer.

– Oh, hi Harry – she smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. – What’s up? Do you need something?

– Actually… I just came here to check on you and see if you would, maybe, like to have a lunch with me? We didn’t hang out in quite some time – he scratched his head, messing his hair even more than usual.

– I have a lot of work ­– she tried to say, but he interrupted her quickly.

– Come on, Mione. It’s lunch time. Please?

– I’m not really hungry, Harry.

– You’re never hungry, Mione, but please come with me. I miss you.

She couldn’t resist his pleas and the look on his face was slowly breaking her heart. She didn’t want to disappoint him.

– Okay, Harry. Okay.

– _Merlin_ , really? – if someone’s smile could brighten her life it was definitely Harry’s.

He came closer and took her hand to lead her out of the building of the Ministry.

They didn’t need to walk for long. Just around the corner, there was this little, cosy café they both loved and were often seen there together. It was their spot.

When they finally crossed the threshold, they were welcomed by warm smile of friendly barista. He nodded at them asking if they came for the usual order. Harry confirmed and walked with Hermione to their favourite table in secured area. It was more private than the rest of the place. It was small, kind of a breakfast nook that was hidden from the rest of the café by a big bookshelf full of amazing works and plants.

They sat down facing each other and Hermione couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t just friendly lunch with Harry, they came here with purpose that she wasn’t aware of.

– How are you, Hermione? – he asked watching her carefully like she was some kind of frightened animal.

– I’m fine, Harry. Thank you for asking – she sipped on her tea to busy herself with something, anything.

– Are you? Really? Because I think you’re lying to me, Mione.

– What do you want me to say Harry? What can I say to you, that won’t make things even harder between the two of us? – she was tried with all the same questions and accusations. They both knew, that she couldn’t just poor her emotion on him, because Ron was still his friend too and she would rather die than change that.

– I just want to help, Mione. I can’t stand what they say about you in the press. Prophet is hammering you on every occasion they can find and I just- I just can’t understand why aren’t you defending yourself – he was watching her with those pleading eyes, with worried face, squeezing her hand in his.

– I just can’t, Harry. I cannot do this to myself and to him. I’m not strong enough for that. I’m done fighting. At some point they’ll just forget and life will go on.

– It’s not fair.

– Life isn’t fair and you know this, Harry.

He went quiet after that. She was right.

Waiter delivered their order with smiles and wishes that their enjoy theirs meals.

At least he gave them something to busy themselves and a reason to avoid further conversation. 

Hermione picked on her food not really eating anything. She knew that it will end up in toilet bowl sooner or later. She would rather avoid alerting Harry about her developed habits. He didn’t need to know. No one needed to know.

They tried to talk a little about their food and how amazing it is. She couldn’t really argue, when her mouth watered because of the smell only. Yet she still couldn’t make herself to enjoy her meal. 

She could hear that Harry was trying to say something but her mind was not with them anymore. She caught herself spacing out more and more nowadays. She couldn’t really stay focused that easily.

– …and I really think you should find some help. Hermione, are you even listening?

– What? Oh, I’m sorry Harry. Yes, I am listening to you – she faked a little smile and looked at her watch. – Bollocks. I need to run. My boss will kill me. I promise we will see each other again soon. Bye Harry, I love you.

She stood up and quickly left the café leaving Harry speechless by the table. She didn’t even turn around to look at him. She went straight to her office just to hide from everyone.

She wasn’t lucky though. On her way back she bumped into hard and board chest, she knew all too well.

– Ron? – she managed to say after the initial shock passed.

– Oh, hi. Listen I need to go, but it was nice to see you, Mione.

– What? Wait, please I-

He didn’t let her finish. He left her standing in the middle of Ministry atrium shattered and even more hurt than before. Hermione lowered her head and went straight to the lifts. She just wanted to disappear and avoid pitiful stares that were burning holes in the back of her head.

She slammed the door after herself and slid off of them to the floor. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t stand it. She needed distraction and she needed it fast.

Hermione quickly finished her tasks for that they. Was her work sloppy? Probably. Did she care? Not even a bit.

Her heels clicked furiously on the Ministry floor when she desperately wanted to finally reach the lift to get the hell out of that place. Her mind had one purpose and for that she needed to be in save space of her flat.

No one tried to stop her or asked her question when she basically ran off the building to the busy London streets. She was really grateful for that.

Hermione hid her neck in collar of her coat to protect herself from the cold January air. It wasn’t really that chilly outside, but wind was strong, penetrating her body to the bones stealing from her the last remaining warmth. 

She rounded the corner of some small, dark alley and she apparated home.

_I need more._

That was all the message was saying. She didn’t really need to waste her words much more than that. He would understand anyway. The question was if he was willing to help her again. She vividly remembered him saying that it’s in his power to provide her with what she desperately wanted, but there was a catch in all of that. But that was expected. Dealing with Slytherins never was nice nor easy.

She sat on her couch picking on her nails. Waiting.

She was expecting either an owl with strong and harsh no, or a knock to her door promising peaceful night of dreamless sleep. She really needed the second option.

She jumped when he apparated in the middle of her flat. She didn’t know how he did that. She knew her wards shouldn’t let him do that. And yet he was standing in front of her with all of his dark glory, watching her with his blue, but stormy eyes.

– Granger – he said rising his perfectly sculpted brow. She hated how effortlessly perfect he was.

– Did you bring it? – she didn’t really notice that she was standing now and moving closer to him, like a desperate junkie she was.

– _Tsk_ , not so fast. I didn’t say that you can have anything yet.

She huffed at him. She almost bared her teeth, but knew better than that. It wasn’t a time for a fight, if she really wanted to manage something here.

– Please.

– Oh, so _now_ you can ask this nicely? – he smirked, crossing arms over his chest. She didn’t miss a small spark of package in his hand.

She licked her lips nervously.

– Please, I really need it – she wanted to beg, but her pride, or rather what was left of it, stopped her from doing that, for now.

– You say that every other day.

She ran her fingers through her hair, turning around and wrapping her arms around herself, trying not to lose patience and stability. He shouldn’t see how she really felt in that moment. Hermione was completely aware that he knew how desperate she was.

He was the only person, which had any idea, what was going on in her head. He didn’t need to know details. The fact that she was willing to contact him and ask for more was enough.

– For real, Malfoy? You’ll make it even harder for me? Isn’t that some sort of business for you? Aren’t you making money? Do you want more? I’ll give you more. Name the price and I’ll pay – she watched him follow her with his eyes like a hawk watching his prey. She wasn’t more than that for him.

– You know I don’t need your money. I have plenty of that.

– So what is it? What is it that you want from me? Just please, please give me, what I want, what I’m paying for and we can part ways and stop annoying each other. How about that?

He just stood her watching her silently and then he moved a chair from her kitchen table and sat on it, waiting. She wasn’t sure for what.

– So? – she asked, watching him unwrap the foil.

– We shall have fun tonight, Granger – he said watching her with this annoying smirk on his lips.

– What do you mean by _we_?

– I want to see, why are you making me see you so often lately.

– Sod off, Malfoy.

He rose his brow again and wrapped the foil again, sighing with defeat.

– If that’s what you want, then I better get going… - he stood up and turned around to the door.

– No! – she yanked at his robes, stopping him. – Okay. I’ll do it your way.

– Good girl.

After everything they lay on her living room floor, listening to some muggle music and staring at the empty walls.


End file.
